id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
