we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
