Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
the day after is always just damage control
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
