there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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