so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
