he wants to bone in the snuggie
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
and you said cock pushups were impossible
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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