Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
