Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
