its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I need water and some morals
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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