Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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