Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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