Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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