my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
