ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
