You really coming over, don't trick.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
