thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
