rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
