his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Randomize
