Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
