I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
