last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
