to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
