just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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