you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
