after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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