I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
