I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
After last night, I could never be a politician.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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