So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
