So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Boobs are out for the taking
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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