At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
