he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
