hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
