Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
