i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
no you cant smoke seaweed
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
