don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
