I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
