Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Moan for me like Helen Keller
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
