Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
