Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I think I have vodka in my lungs
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
