so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Watching her eat just hurts me
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
