Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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