The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
