I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
im holly from the hills drunk
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
