guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
