Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
