I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
