I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
