OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
