We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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