Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
as a side note pls kill me
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