My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I could make wine with my vomit
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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