True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
