I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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