Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
