Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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