ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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