how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
