How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
