dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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