I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
