Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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