the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
So I just went to clothing optional bar
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
