What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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