I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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