Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
