This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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