tell your sister to shave her snatch
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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