I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
