My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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