I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
